John Hartley Robertson
at it again - UPDATED 03/2015
Troops blast online uniform retailer
U.S. Navy Veterans Association
Accusations of Fraud Appear to Crash
Website of Group Claiming to Support ...
A website purporting to help Navy SEALs was
downed Thursday and again Friday after The Special
Operations Forces Report website — SOFREP.com — made
some bombshell charges that the site –
SupportTheSEALs.org – is not a legitimate non-profit
CHECK YOUR CHARITY CAREFULLY before donating!!
organization called Veterans Affairs Services (VAS) ......
PATRICK ALLEN RICH
IMPERSONATING A KIA FAMILY MEMBER - The Fallen Heroes Memorial
Foundation Representative 05/2011
- Violators of Military Hoaxes Act could
receive fines, prison time
VET ROBINSON, DOUGLAS
ARRESTED APRIL 2014 AGAIN
Job Seekers BEWARE!
A company calling itself Monument Secure (NOT Monument Security) is
sending out emails targeting veterans. Claiming that they are a Security
Services provider, they pretend to be hiring security personnel, but
require a “refundable” $300.00 to obtain a “guard card”. If you see them
advertising or receive an email from them, don’t fall for their scam.
AND SHAME ON THEM!
The name this POS has posted on Facebook is Richard Moore. He has posted
numerous pictures of my Nephew Sgt. Mikeal W. Miller, 22, of Albany,
Ore. and is claiming them to be of him. SGT Miller was assigned to the
3rd Squadron, 61st Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd
Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.. He died Jan. 27 at the National
Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Md., of wounds sustained in Baghdad on
July 9, 2007, when the vehicle he was in encountered an improvised
explosive device. Can we find this guy and stop, prosecute him or
arrange for me to have a few minutes alone with him?
awards_claimed: All I have seen are pictures of Sgt Mikeal w.
Miller and this guy claiming they are of him
says Scottsdale man hijacked charity websites 05/11/2013
But soon after starting his charity, Navy SEALs Fund, Dzieran
says he was approached by a man from Scottsdale who claimed to be able
to raise money and raise the charity's profile. "It appeared that he was
trying to help us," said Dzieran during a ...
Sent: Sunday, May 12,
2013 12:33 AM
Subject: FW: Help Hospitalized Veterans.
On August 9, 2012,
the California Attorney General filed a civil lawsuit seeking
the removal of officers and directors of Help Hospitalized Veterans,
a California charity. The complaint alleges that those running the
organization engaged in self-dealing, paid excessive executive
compensation and engaged in fraudulent fundraising and other
unlawful activities. The lawsuit also seeks to recover more than
$4.3 million in funds improperly diverted from Help Hospitalized
Veterans. Those funds were meant to support several programs serving
veterans and active-duty military, including providing arts and
craft kits to hospitalized veterans. Instead, they were used to
enrich the organization's officers and fundraisers.
This is Lt.Col.Ternus Mona in U.S Army, is also a member of Air
Reserve Nurse Corps and the commander of the 911th Aeromedical
Squadron, but redeployed to Iraq, and presently stationed in Mosul
special duties. I will like to share some very vital information
bring some good financial returns to us in just a few weeks or days
depending on how fast we pursue the matter. I am seeking your
evacuate the sum of $12.3m to you and because of my status as a
the U.S military, I could not transfer the money to the united
because of security reasons, query and questions of the u.s
well.,as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care
complete my service here.This may not be the best medium to make
of contact because of the numerous scam offers transmitted through
Internet, but it is all I have access to for now.I will be very
you can give me the opportunity to discuss this matter with you by
me that you will not use any part of it against me in anyway, I hope
understand my limitations here and I need your trust and honest
don't want you to betray or disappoint me as soon this money get to
hands in your country.I expect your good and prompt reply so that we
proceed swiftly on the funds transfer processing.Should you have
reject this offer,Please destroy this mail as any leakage will be
bad for us.
I will continue with the details when you signify your intention to
If you see these people at a walmart remind the store manager of
the fact they are banned from the property. Never give these
scam artists a cent they took in $8 million dollars
last year and only gave out $318,000.00 dollars to Veterans
causes. The solicitors are paid 1/3 of the money they collect.
From: Walmart Facebook Support
Date: Jan 11, 2013 12:20:41 PM
Subject: Re: phony veterans
The VSO has been banned from
soliciting at our stores while they are under
investigation. We will make sure the stores in Mass.
are updated on this groups status. I've forwarded
your email to our Store Operations Division so that
they can communicate with Store Managers on the
Thank you for contacting us,
Walmart Facebook Support
"Like" us on Facebook:
To: "Wal-Mart Stores Inc."
Subject: phony veterans
Recently I posted a question on your face book page,
and I was instructed to write this "e" mail. In
October an "e" mail was sent out to all the stores
which banned a group called the Veterans Support
org. from soliciting in front of your stores. Is
this still in effect? It appears that some of your
stores in Mass. are not complying. I am enclosing a
letter which I have written to the stores in my
State outlining our concerns. I have addl.
supporting materials to support our argument against
Thank you for your consideration
Robert A Graser
State JR. Vice Commander
Dept. of Massachusetts
Veterans of Foreign Wars
LOSER USES PHOTOS OF FALLEN TO SCAM PUBLIC
Works for Smart Shield Roofing Solutions out of
Tomball, TX - [His boss is Eric Moore -
the owner ]
Made job offer of a personal assistant, $45k a yr and $400
per diem when traveling, and free health insurance after 60
$1000.00 sign on bonus.
Traveling- flying or driving and he would pay for the plane
Facebook says his hometown is Maryville, MO but he doesn't
Job would have consisted of doing estimates and going to
meeting to take notes and retype them for him.
Claimed that his daughter was in a car wreck on Aug 31 or
Sept 1 and she was in bad shape. .... When calling Aug 30 to
make sure the job was mine and he stated yes 100% positive..
So I quite my local job and prepared to be away for 5 weeks
at a time. The red flags started to fly was when reading on
Facebook and he said he was taking his daughter to a Royals
game on Monday. Found his daughter on Facebook and she had
posted pics of her and her dad on Sept 1 and then posted
more pics on Sept 3 when they were at a Royals game... and
that little girl did not look like she was in any car
wreck... all lies... and no job per Mr Moore.
Veterans Charities: Two under investigation,
and one that gives 100% to veterans
...California's attorney general filed a civil lawsuit against a
Riverside County charity that raises money to support programs for
military veterans and active-duty personnel, particularly for those
hospitalized with war wounds.
Help Hospitalized Veterans has used much of its donations for lavish
salaries and pensions, self-dealing business relationships and loans,
and perks such as $80,000 in golf memberships and use of a condominium,
Atty. Gen.Kamala D. Harrissaid in a lawsuit filed Thursday in Riverside
County Superior Court....
...The Attorney General’s office is suing a local veterans charity and
its professional fundraisers for allegedly using deceptive tactics in
violation of state laws.
The suit, filed Wednesday in Suffolk Superior Court, alleges that Bay
State Vietnam Veterans Inc. and its Rhode Island-based
fundraiser, Dynamic Marketing Solutions Inc., violated the
Massachusetts charitable solicitation and consumer protection laws
during a phone solicitation campaign....
St. Louis (KSDK) -- The Better Business Bureau shares a warning
about a giving to a veterans' charity with ties to a local sweepstakes
The BBB says
Veterans Relief Network uses a for-profit fundraising
consultant, Precision Performance Marketing (PPM) of Kirkwood, Missouri.
PPP is known for using sweeptstakes mailings to raise millions of
dollars in the names of several national causes ranging from childhood
cancer to autism. But records show a majority of the contributions
actually went to pay the costs of the fundraising rather than to help
those in need....
Internet scam uses photo of dead OR soldier
by Kyle Iboshi
Posted on June 25, 2012 at 5:56 PM
Updated today at 12:58 PM
PORTLAND, Ore.-- A Portland family suffered the heartbreak of losing a
son in combat. Now they fear his photo is being used to solicit money.
"This is really a low scam," said Dr. Brian Fennerty, the father of an
Army sergeant who died in Iraq......
This document provides
information regarding phony
refund schemes related to
Emails are being sent to
individuals, including military
members, military retirees, and
civilian employees, which appear
to be sent by Defense Finance
and Accounting Services.
Although the email appears to
come from DFAS and displays a
.mil email address it
is actually from a
non-government email account.
The emails indicate that
individuals who are receiving
disability compensation from the
Department of Veterans Affairs
may be able to obtain additional
funds from the IRS. These emails
are not issued by DFAS.
The email indicates that
individuals receiving VA
disability compensation can
receive additional funds from
the IRS by sending copies of VA
award letters, income tax
returns, 1099-Rs, Retiree
Account Statements, and DD 214s,
to a retired Colonel at an
address in Florida.
These schemes can be quite
costly for victims. Promoters
may charge exorbitant upfront
fees to file these claims and
are often long gone when victims
discover they’ve been scammed.
Taxpayers should be careful of
these scams because, regardless
of who prepared their tax
return, the taxpayer is legally
responsible for the accuracy of
their tax return and must repay
any refunds received in error,
plus any penalties and interest.
They may even face criminal
To avoid becoming ensnared in
these schemes, taxpayers should
beware of any of the following:
· Fictitious claims for refunds
or rebates based on false
statements of entitlement to tax
· Emails from unfamiliar senders
asking for personal information
· Internet solicitations that
direct individuals to toll-free
numbers and then solicit Social
Security numbers or other
If you receive a notice from the
IRS, respond immediately.
If you believe someone may have
used your SSN fraudulently,
please notify IRS immediately by
responding to the name and
number printed on the notice or
letter. You will need to fill
out the IRS Identity Theft
04/30/2012 - BRANSON, MO
We have a definite South African Fraud posing as an
American Green Beret, too.
His name: Cornelius Theron, residing in
Wellington, Fl, USA.
With American troops fighting wars on
multiple fronts, instances of fraudulent
veterans’ claims, or Stolen Valor, have
been on the rise. I am writing to you
today to discuss a local Stolen Valor
claim which is of great concern to area
Anthony Thomas of
Cleveland, Ohio has
been claiming that he is an Air Force
veteran while on Facebook under the name
I noticed that Anthony Thomas Facebook
page has the Air Force Logo and he has
military photos and impersonating an
actual member of the military
while never serving in the United States
Fraudulently claiming or wearing
unauthorized military awards is a
federal crime punishable by up to a year
in prison and up to $150,000 in fines.
I hope you will consider looking into
Anthony Thomas claims and the negative
effects on the local veterans’
ARMY 395TH CSSB <email@example.com>
Sunday, March 11,
2012 6:20 PM
Can We Work This
Henson an officer of the U.S Army, and I have
some items I will need
to ship to you.Can you
be trusted to handle
some serious and
Please contact me asap
God Bless America
I am very sorry
that what I stated was untrue even to my Sister and
Brothers and my Daughter.
I am sorry that
i lied to my friends as they trusted me and I have
let them all down.
Apologise to Carol
Pottinger for the use of Her Photo's. I hope that
she will forgive me as She is a Great Officer and
is now a vice Admiral.
I apologise to the Military both Serving and Ex
Service personnel no matter what Rank as they all
deserve better Respect than I gave them. I was
Stupid and I am ashamed and humiliated.
I am Sorry For all I have said and ask for
forgiveness and to my Sister who I got to lie for me
in the last 2 weeks.
I am Sorry for all those things and more.
I was not a Navy Commander and I was not
Rear Admiral USN,
Commander of Special Forces in Afghanistan. And I
retract all the things that I have
Lara Connor ( U.S.N. NOT AT ALL. ) I am so Sorry to
And I am
closing my email address so I have used my .......
I am an
Admin of a Group of ex-servicemen on Facebook who
protect Veterans Honour and shame Fakers. Last
December, I shamed a Swedish Troll who claimed to be
Admiral Lara Connor, USN, Commander of Special
Forces in Afghanistan.
Upon shaming the
person, they deleted their account.
However, yesterday I found their Trail again...under
person is buying and selling articles under the
guise of Admiral Lara Connor. I had already
confirmed that this person was not genuine. He/ she
stole Photographs from this Flag Officer.
Linda K. May
Agent Orange & Mold & Depleted Uranium International
As many of you are aware, Linda K. May of
Pontiac, Illinois has done everything in her power
to inject herself into the limelight all across the
country as a self proclaimed medical expert on Agent
Orange Dioxin, Mold, and now an expert on Depleted
If you’ve paid Ms. May any money at all, and not
received the services as were promised, and if
you’ve not done so already, I strongly advising to
please spend the $30-50 dollars and file a claim in
small claims court, and have the filing served to
her Attorney Mr. Mark Cullen of Sorling, Northrup,
Hanna, Cullen & Cochran, Ltd., 607 E. Adams Street
#800, Springfield, Illinois.
You might also choose to simply write to Mr.
Cullen, call or fax. Their office telephone
#217-544-1144, fax #217-522-3173.
Veterans-For-Change, OFFE and VFVC have all done
their level best to insure veterans aren’t scammed
and suckered into spending money they don’t have for
a test that cannot prove whether you were
contaminated by Agent Orange Dioxin 5-days ago or
If you served in Korea, Viet Nam, Cambodia, Laos,
Guam, or one of the many other places including but
not limited to CONUS, WE know you were contaminated
so a test of any kind will not help in proving or
disproving a claim for VA Benefits and Care.
Your military records, medical records, buddy &
family letters can and would prove this for you.
We’re still seeking out any doctors who read our
newsletter would be so kind as to contact us via
E-Mail and let us know if you believe and can prove
beyond a doubt that a DNA PCR test could be used to
test human urine samples for Dioxin with documented
Everyone who walks this planet of ours has some
level of dioxin in their body from grains such as
whole wheat used to make bread, etc.
We’re attempting to gather any and all medical
and scientific evidence we can to show the claim(s)
being made are false and would post all information
to the website for veterans to use to protect
Ms. May has claimed via E-Mail that she has over
40 investors and plans to make millions of dollars.
My question to those investors, have you actually
seen the test performed? Have you actually seen the
laboratory? Have you actually seen the registered
patent for this test of Ms. May’s?
If you’ve been one of the past victims and
actually received written “test results”, do you see
the laboratory name clearly printed at the top or
bottom of the report with their address, phone and
fax number? Do you see an FDA “CLEA” number printed
on the report? If not, then I’d say you were scammed
by a sink lab operation!
I wanted to bring some truly good news to light,
and at the same time say a huge thank you to some
folks who helped put this all together!
Recently it came to me that a Ms. Linda May of
Pontiac Illinois was attempting to peddle a test kit
and lab testing to elderly and veterans that could
detect dioxin's from Agent Orange and would help in
VA Claims and how she was an expert in her field and
had testified for many veterans and helped them win
In addition she was claiming many other outrageous
things as contracts with the DoD, the VA, EPA, OSHA,
etc. and would never provide any written
documentation, evidence or medical research.
Ms. May talks a good game and I'm sure many of you
who served in Korea and Viet Nam were at one point
touched by AO, or have fellow vets who have and in
many cases are ill, terminal or have since passed on
havingapplied for benefits and been denied.
"The most recent scam used telephone calls to
solicit donations to enable veterans to speak at
schools. The scammer states that they represent
a veteran organization not associated with the
Legion. Many veteran organizations, especially
the Legion, have long-standing relationships
with schools. To my knowledge, there is not one
veteran organization that charges for a
Veteran’s appearance. Don’t be fooled by this
The second scam is much more involved. It
specifically targets veterans suffering, or
potentially suffering, from Depleted Uranium
(DU) or Agent Orange (AO) poisoning and are
having difficulty proving their claim to
government. The scam involves supplying a urine
sample and paying $560.00/person, to receive
The name associated with the scam is
Ms. Linda K. May
B.S., R.N., B.S.N.; it is unknown if this is a
real name or an alias. The name Linda K May is
associated with scams covering a variety of
subjects including: mold, Nuclear Security,
Agent Orange, and the newest is Depleted
Uranium. The company names associated with the
scam include Warbler of Illinois and LKM Health
and Safety Consultants. The name Linda K. May is
associated with scams or scam attempts in
California, Connecticut, Michigan, and
Scams Target Veterans
David on October 26, 2011 in
Typically criminals target the vulnerable: the elderly,
the ill, the disenfranchised, and more recently
In the past month two scams targeting veterans and
veteran issues were brought to my attention.
The most recent scam used telephone calls to solicit
donations to enable veterans to speak at schools. The
scammer states that they represent a veteran
organization not associated with the Legion. Many
veteran organizations, especially the Legion, have
long-standing relationships with schools. To my
knowledge, there is not one veteran organization that
charges for a Veteran’s appearance. Don’t be fooled by
The second scam is much more involved. It specifically
targets veterans suffering, or potentially suffering,
from Depleted Uranium (DU) or Agent Orange (AO)
poisoning and are having difficulty proving their claim
to government. The scam involves supplying a urine
sample and paying $560.00/person, to receive
The name associated with the scam is Ms. Linda K. May
B.S., R.N., B.S.N.; it is unknown if this is a real name
or an alias. The name Linda K May is associated with
scams covering a variety of subjects including: mold,
Nuclear Security, Agent Orange, and the newest is
Depleted Uranium. The company names associated with the
scam include Warbler of Illinois and LKM Health and
Safety Consultants. The name Linda K. May is associated
with scams or scam attempts in California, Connecticut,
Michigan, and Illinois.
Some basic research can provide enough information to
avoid being scammed. For example:
- An accountant occupies the address that Warbler
of Illinois uses – I used reverse look up – and
called the number associated with the address.
- I attempted to contact LKM Health and Safety
Consultants’ landline phone was disconnected but the
cell phone number (used a Maryland prefix) was
operational. I called the Cell phone number 8 times
and left messages. I did not receive a response to
any of my calls.
- Linda K May claims that she can gain access to
the Illinois State University to conduct the urine
tests. I called the university, but no one
associated with Linda K May was given access to
university facilities. Universities have to be very
careful when granting access to facilities for a
variety of legal and insurance reasons. The scam may
involve “kitchen sink analysis” a scam where samples
are poured down the kitchen sink and a false report
Research on the Internet for scams associated with the
name Linda K. May provided the flowing links:
My local Canadian Vets Association was the target
of a scam involving a one Ms Linda K Cardiff May, BS,RN,BSN. She claimed to be the CEO of Warbler of
This person drove to Ontario Canada and
presented local members with false claims and
documentation of her medical qualifications and
asked for urine samples from members to conduct
Depleted Uranium tests on the samples and left the
country with said samples.
What can be done to prosecute this person?
FAKE Ranger Medic Handbooks
are a couple of fake Ranger Medic
Handbooks on Amazon and digital for
the Kindle http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ranger+medic+handbook&x=0&y=0
We have an agreement with the
copyright holder that North American
Rescue is the sole distributer of
the RMH and all profits from the
book go to a charity of the their
choice. The charity is always a
Wounded Warrior type charity and is
currently the Sentinels of Freedom
which was founded by a father of 3
brothers in the 75th (Mike Conklin) http://www.sentinelsoffreedom.org/sof_rw/sof.cfm.
The copyright holder is currently in
contact with Amazon to deal with the
3 companies publishing the RMH and
we are waiting on the results from
this to see when to get some of
NAR's lawyers involved. One of the
versions on Amazon is listed as the
2011 version which is completely
bogus. Talking with the guys that
write the book and having them look
at it online about the versions out
there they determined that it was a
draft of the 2007 version before the
edits were finished. If we were
just trying to make money on this
book it would be one thing, but
these guys are taking money away
from Wounded Warrior charities and
it is not the current version they
are claiming it is.
Bruce Wayne Rhoades aka Rhodes & Sawyer
Veteran's Outreach Mission Inc.
Read to inform yourself of a
operation from Oklahoma that is coming here.
KFOR-TV (NBC Channel4) in Oklahoma City has
reported recently on
Veteran's Outreach Mission Inc.
run by a man named Bruce Wayne Rhoades
aka Rhodes & Sawyer.
Rhoades, a convicted felon out of Oklahoma
County, ran a house raffle in Oklahoma City
and collected thousands of dollars to be
used for a
"veteran's rehab center."
In addition, Rhoades used senior citizen
employees through an
but never paid them. Any money that was
collected during fundraising was immediately
taken by Rhoades. Former employees claim
there were no receipts or books kept. In
checking with the IRS, Veteran's Outreach
Mission Inc. nor Bruce Rhoades hold any
non-profit or 501 (c)3 status or
We wanted the legitimate veteran groups in
Texas to be made aware of this scam and any
possible conflict with their efforts to
However, as of Oct. 18, 2011, Mr. Rhoades
Veteran's Outreach Mission Inc.
with the Dallas County court clerk at the
address of 1100 W. Main Suite 115 Grand
Prairie, TX. This is a hotel room!
Please see the links to our stories at
KFOR.com and the attached information.
Web impostors mimic JBLM
Medal of Honor
Here's one drawback to receiving a Congressional
Medal of Honor:
Joint Base Lewis-McChord's Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Petry of Steilacoom is
now one of a handful of soldiers who've become regular targets for web
Back in July, WFAA-Channel 8's Byron Harris spent quite some time
digging into the doings of the Kennedale-based United States Fallen
Heroes Foundation, which said it was a nonprofit raising funds
to construct a memorial in Tarrant County to servicemen and women killed
in action since September 11, 2001. Turned out, the Mansfield man who
was running it at the time, Walter Coleman, falsely represented himself
as a veteran and "fabricated IRS forms to create the impression that his
foundation was a legitimate, registered 501(c)(3) public charity,"
according to the Texas Attorney General's Office on August 31 of last
Greg Abbott's office filed suit against the Fallen Heroes Foundation.
Coleman quit right before he was to respond to a subpoena from the AG's
WARNING TO VETERANS
Sent: Thursday, November 25, 2010 7:36 AM
WARNING TO VETERANS
*In 2006, the
Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Office of the
General Counsel (OGC) corresponded with Veterans
Affairs Services (VAS) regarding concerns that the
organization's name and seal created the
impression that VAS was affiliated with, or endorsed
by, the Department. OGC advised the Veterans
Benefits Administration (VBA) of these concerns and
VBA circulated the information. VAS later added a
disclaimer at the top of its website home page that
addressed some of our concerns. No further action
Section 5902(a) of title 38, United States Code,
authorizes VA to recognize organizations for the
limited purpose of ensuring competent representation
of Veterans seeking benefits. Organizations like VAS
may provide services to Veterans without VA
recognition, including informational websites, if
the services do not include assistance with the
preparation, presentation, and
prosecution of claims for VA benefits.
The recent e-mail message warning Veterans about
VAS' activities, which has been widely disseminated,
is from an unknown source but contains some of the
information discussed with VAS and VBA in 2006.
* (original message)
WARNING TO VETERANS - Forwarded by Kevin Secor, VSO
Liaison, Office of the
Secretary of the Department of Veterans Affairs.
An organization called Veterans Affairs Services
(VAS) is providing benefit and general information
on VA and gathering personal information on
veterans. This organization is not affiliated with
VA in any way.
VAS may be gaining access to military personnel
through their close resemblance to the VA name and
seal. Our Legal Counsel has requested that we
coordinate with DoD to inform military
installations, particularly mobilization sites, of
this group and their lack of affiliation or
endorsement by VA to provide any services.
In addition, GC requests that if you have any
examples of VAS acts that violate chapter 59 of
Title 38 United States Code, such as VAS employees
assisting veterans in the preparation and
presentation of claims for benefits, please pass any
additional information to Mr.Daugherty at the
Michael G. Daugherty
Department of Veterans Affairs
Office of General Counsel (022G2
SCAM [CLICK ON TEXT]
Dam Neck based SEALs killed in combat [NOT]
most despicable of false claims - more here!
- Operation Repo
PHONY Iraqi war veteran who lost his leg -
- "Captain Kangaroo enlisted, but it was after
Iwo Jima. Captain Kangaroo never saw any combat."
- “The rumors that Mr. Rogers having a military
background have also been bandied around for years, but there is
nothing to them. Mr. Rogers did not serve in the military”.
- "Lee Marvin was injured in WWII, but it was
not at Iwo Jima; it was at Saipan. He received a Purple Heart, not the
A guy is driving around in the North Georgia
mountains and sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style
house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in
the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking
Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told
the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed
services .... the United States Marines ... you know one of their
nicknames is "The Devil Dogs". In no time at all they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was
one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the
jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger. So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog
years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do
some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
The dog continues - "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was
awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and
now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars?
This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit. Hell, he was
in the Navy!"